Who Chopped Down the Cherry Tree?

Legend has it that George Washington, in his youth, chopped down a cherry tree with his axe and later famously admitted the truth to his father.

Now rumour has it that there used to be a cherry tree within the compounds of CHS until someone, hitherto unidentified, chopped it down with an axe...

LKT: Classroom notice boards are to be decorated with decapitated cherry trees in conjunction with the event.
Prefects: Awas! Pokok ceri akan tumbang. Para pelajar diminta lari mengikut arahan pengawas!
LM: What? You want us to carry the cherry tree to the hall?
QM: We take care of the grass on the field. Cherry trees are not within our responsibility.
LAS: AAAAAH@#*$&%~^$@**%!!
(Pencegahan) Jenayah: Whodunnit?
6th Form: The canteen aunty did it. Kuih talam tastes like cherries nowadays.
Polis: If anyone of you did it, the whole team will do pumping 200 times.
Bomba: We tried to rescue a kitten from the treetop, and the branches broke from our weight.
English: We wanted to bring literature to reality, so we had to test our Sound Machine.
Badminton: The shuttlecock was stuck between the branches, so...
Scouts: We were running short of wood for our campfire.
Guides: OUR campfire.
PBC: We needed the cherry blossoms for the Chinese New Year celebration.
Japanese: No, those are plum blossoms. Cherry blossoms are for ikebana.
Interact: Really? Then we'll represent Japan on IU day.
Wushu: We only have knives, sticks, nunchaku, and lion heads. No axe.
Taekwondo: Who said it was an axe? Bare hands would do.
Science & Math: But the angle of blow and the force applied exceed a normal individual.
PBSM: Paint-the-cut-with-iodine.
LPS: Include that in the school archive.
PRS: Counsel friends and family of the cherry tree.
Calyx: Cheer them up.
Sejarah: Such a pity. It has been there since independence...
Prostar: Such a pity. It might have been the ultimate cure for AIDS...
SLAD: For all that we care, it might have been an undiscovered drug.
YE: Maybe we can make some profit from selling cherries.
Koperasi: Too late. We're selling them.
UKH: Now we have enough stock for five years' worth of kerja kayu.
Creative: And a life-size model for still-life painting.
PBM: Let's propose Konserto Terakhir to be changed to Pokok Ceri Terakhir.
PMO: Erhu sounds sorrowful enough for the closing ceremony of the tree.
Choir: O cherry tree o cherry tree, you stand in verdant beauty.
Band: *drumroll* *funeral march*
Kadet: *salute*
Islam: May _____ bless the soul of the departed Cherry Tree.
CF: Amen.
Buddhist: Amitabha.
Ed Board: Who's going to interview the cherry tree?
Aquatic: What cherry tree?


[Note: Arranged in no particular order of preference. No offense intended. Apologies to all unmentioned.
Inspired by Vijay Kumar, whose cherry trees are by far the best.]