WARNING: HEALTH ALERT

Attention to all

A recent outbreak of a new epidemic has occurred in various places across the state, particularly concentrated in the Subang Jaya area. The tentative code name given to the disorder is P5S (POST 5S5 SYNDROME). The cause remains unidentified and is currently under investigation; though rumour has it that the disease originated from Area A110. Psychological damage is first incurred; if not given adequate treatment, patients and those around them suffer from a high risk of being inflicted with disturbances to their social and emotional conditions.

Patients portray a variety of acute symptoms which are easily distinguishable. For safety concerns, members of the public are strongly recommended to answer the following questionnaire:

1. Do you enjoy singing the birthday song as a group?
2. Do you favour the oneness of many people wearing the same colour/type of apparel?
3. Do you smile as you gaze at the moon?
4. Do you relate the appearances, behaviour or personalities of others to your high school teachers?
5. Do you think of the SUN during the RAIN?
6. Do you feel a responsibility to ensure that all occasions are celebrated/mourned for?
7. Do you stare at class photos often and sigh?
8. Do you like having a meal with a bunch of mates at a long table?
9. Do you attribute places (e.g. Hawaii), occupations (e.g. air stewardess), naturally occurring substances (e.g. lemons) or ‘organic compounds’ to the colour of others’ clothing?
10. Do you believe you can fly?

If you have answered 'yes' to more than half of the questions above, please seek immediate medical attention. Prolonged delay might result in a severe secondary complication known as MOF (MISSING OLD FRIENDS). For more information, listen to《思念是一种病》(‘missing someone is a kind of sickness). (DISCLAIMER: This act might stimulate side-effects of MOF among the weak-hearted. Those with low immunity level are advised against it.)

P5S is fatally contagious. It affects people regardless of gender, occupation, amount of physical activity, and even height. Efforts to locate and quarantine patients have yielded no success. Up to date no cure has been found; experts believe that time will not heal patients from this syndrome. Resistance has proven to be futile.

Should you possess valuable information about other patients or encounter any enquiries that you wish to clarify regarding the illness, please contact Wen Zhen Low for further assistance. She has reached the critical stage of P5S, after which changes are irreversible. She will be able to share her experience on living with P5S, and enjoying it.