How many first year engineering students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. That's a second year subject.
How many second year engineering students does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but the rest of the class copies the report.
How many third year engineering students does it take to change a light bulb?"
Will this question be in the final examination?"
How many civil engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to do it and one to steady the chandelier.
How many electrical engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They simply redefine darkness as the industry standard.
How many computer engineers does it take to change a light bulb?"
Why bother? The socket will be obsolete in six months anyway."
How many mechanical engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
Five. One to decide which way the bulb ought to turn, one to calculate the force required, one to design a tool with which to turn the bulb, one to design a comfortable - but functional - hand grip, and one to use all this equipment.
How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
Issac Newton: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest, chickens in motion tend to cross roads.
Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends on your frame of reference.
Aristotle: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=You enter the laboratory and see an experiment. How will you know which class is it?
If it's green and wiggles, it's biology.
If it stinks, it's chemistry.
If it doesn't work, it's physics.
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There is this farmer who is having problems with his chickens. All of the sudden, they are all getting very sick and he doesn't know what is wrong with them. After trying all conventional means, he calls a biologist, a chemist, and a physicist to see if they can figure out what is wrong. So the biologist looks at the chickens, examines them a bit, and says he has no clue what could be wrong with them. Then the chemist takes some tests and makes some measurements, but he can't come to any conclusions either. So the physicist tries. He stands there and looks at the chickens for a long time without touching them or anything. Then all of the sudden he starts scribbling away in a notebook. Finally, after several gruesome calculations, he exclaims, 'I've got it! But it only works for spherical chickens in a vacuum.'
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Q: How many theoretical physicists specializing in general relativity does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to hold the bulb and one to rotate the universe.
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You might be an engineer if...
... you have no life and can prove it mathematically
... you enjoy pain
... you know vector calculus but you can't remember how to do long division =)
... you chuckle whenever anyone says 'centrifugal force'
... you've actually ever used every single function on your graphing calculator =)
... when you look in the mirror, you see an engineering major
... you always do homework on Friday nights
... you know how to integrate a chicken and can take the derivative of water =)
... you think in 'math'.. . . you've calculated that the World Series actually diverges
... you hesitate to look at something because you don't want to break down its wave function
... you have a pet named after a scientist
... you laugh at jokes about mathematicians
... the Humane Society has had you arrested because you actually performed the Schroedinger's Cat Experiment =)
... you can translate English into Binary =)
... you avoid doing anything because you don't want to contribute to the eventual heat-death of the universe
... when your professor asks you where your homework is, you claim to have accidentally determined its momentum so precisely, that according to Heisenberg it could be anywhere in the universe =)
... the 'fun' center of your brain has deteriorated from lack of use
... you'll assume that a 'horse' is a 'sphere' in order to make the math easier =)
... you understood more than five of these indicators
... you know the glass is neither half full nor half empty; it's simply twice as big as it needs to be =)
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Several professors were asked to solve the following problem: "Prove that all odd integers are prime."
Mathematician: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 is not a prime - counter-example - claim is false.
Physicist: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 is an experimental error, 11 is a prime ... =)
Engineer: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 is a prime, 11 is a prime ...
Computer Scientist: 3's a prime, 5's a prime, 7's a prime ... segmentation fault
Copied bulat-bulatly from http://www.recom.org/forum/showthread.php?t=5503
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